Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
