11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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