Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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