You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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