I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
