How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
