My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
not ubering you a puppy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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