She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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