can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
