better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
