She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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