And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
