...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
