Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
