Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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