this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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