the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
