I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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