a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
