I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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