A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
