who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
