So drunk its hurt
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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