my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
