i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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