I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
