Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
