We got so high we made milksteak
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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