the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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