i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
