she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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