FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
