You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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