the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
