His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
