i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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