Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
