Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
