The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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