Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
