She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
