he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
