I think I am morally bankrupt
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
