for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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