I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
