Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
