I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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