is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
