If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
