i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
